Tuesday, November 15, 2016

auld lang syne.

in case you have missed me shouting it to anyone who will hear,
i am turning 30 next week!
and while most people greet this age with feelings such as hesitation & gloom,
i am running toward it like the end of a marathon,
knowing this door will just open on to the next.

the question i get asked a lot,
i mean... a lot, a lot,
is: why is a girl like you not married?
the real answer? ummm...i have no idea, people!
but i do have a few thoughts.

way back when, i read an interview with sarah jessica parker where she talked about 
how grateful she was that she waited until her 30s to get married.
she listed a few different reasons, but the one that really resonated with me, personally,
was explaining she had used her 20s to refine herself, 
to work toward becoming the woman who would attract the kind of person she wanted to end up with.

now a little side note before y'all who got married in your 20s fire your shots,
please re-read what i said above:
really resonated with me, PERSONALLY.
i don't think this is the way everyone should do it.
just me.
i am also not a marriage hater.
i would drop more than you know to welcome that blessing into my world,
and when it's right, it will be right.
okay, let's move on.

i won't say i pushed away the idea of settling down during this past decade,
but i will say that i didn't necessarily dance toward it,
especially in the earlier years.

i wanted to be someone who was happy alone,
so i moved to a  {not really} big city and got my own apartment and learned how to sit, with myself.
i wanted to find a job that i felt passionate about and where i could make a difference,
so i worked a bunch of so-so jobs until i had the resume to go after what i wanted.
i wanted to travel the world,
so i moved to scotland for a summer and never looked back.
i wanted a stronger relationship with God and my Savior,
so i refused to let myself quit on my faith, even in those darkest times.
i wanted to absorb an attitude of graciousness and love,
so i took advantage of service opportunities and got to work.
i wanted to find my passions,
so i learned everything i could about sports and the oscar de la renta fashion house 
and what makes diet coke at mcdonald's actually taste better...

much like sjp's, thee 20s "to-do" list could go on and on.
but as i was laying in bed last night and really trying to think about the past 10 years,
i realized, much to a little relief,
that the woman i worked to find and am still becoming wasn't actually
attributed to an article about a woman who i adore, but will never meet.
but the moment i decided to move to scotland.
in that moment i realized the world is as attainable as you decide to make it,
and dreams are as possible as you believe they are.
and you don't need someone to be in love with you to make that happen.
i miss it everyday,
and yet, it will always be a part of who i am because of all it taught me.
in those 4 months i set the foundation for everything i've ever loved about myself,
and everything i've ever tried to make better.

and then, as it usually does when i think of scotland, 
this song popped into my head.
{it always makes me cry.}
so as a farewell toast to my 20s,
and a huge hello to my 30s,
here's my favorite version of my favorite scottish poem,
auld lang syne.

happy, happy loves!

{photo by inslee haynes}

1 comment:

  1. Jessica - You are an amazingly talented writer and I hope you continue to always give voice to your thoughts and feelings (and share them with the world) because there is so much wisdom in your words. You amaze me! And, just like you say, when it's right, it'll be right. Moving on...