Friday, October 16, 2015

favorite friday.

 living alone this past year has been one of my favorite life experiences so far.
not having to clean up my pile of unused outfits on weeks where there just isn't time?
picking the signature scent of my space?
watching whatever i want on tv?
hockey happiness!
but one of the unexpected parts of living alone has been the unusual feeling of being...alone.
not in a loneliness sorta sense of the word, but a literally alone sense of it.
it's definitely not a bad thing,
sometimes i feel i'm too independent for my own good,
but there are certainly saturdays at home where i look at the clock at 2pm and i haven't actually spoken a word to another person that day.

considering my social butterfly-ness, it was a bit of an adjustment at first.
you never really realize how accustomed you are to bouncing good ideas, bad ideas, stress, happiness, frustration, etc. off another person in your home until there is no one there.
case in point: 
the other morning i woke up at 5:45am
{already a bad sign, my alarm doesn't go off until 7} 
totally freaked out about something i had to do that day.
it wasn't even a big deal, just a tiny meeting.
but within 15 minutes i had fully convinced myself that it was probably all going to go to hell in a handbasket and my week would be slaughtered into ruins.
i mean, dramatic much?
but these sort of instances happen a lot when you don't have another human to talk you down from that ledge of over-reactive terror.
now, music has always been a huge way of expressing my emotions.
i was the girl growing up who constantly saved all her allowance money to buy the newest cd by her favorite pop idol.
{does the KP obsession make a tiny bit more sense now?}
 however, it has become an even bigger part of my life on the solitary home front.
when i come home from a tough day at work, i turn on an alanis song.
good date? there's a song for that.
bad date? ummm...there are a few songs for that. 
trust me.

so today's favorite friday is dedicated to a few tunes i have recently been on the uhbsessive with, for various reasons.

what a good woman does - joy williams
go cubs go - steve goodman {duh, guys...duh!}
rockin' & rollin' - lennon and maisey - nashville soundtrack
if love was fair - ashley monroe
photograph - ed sheeran
put the gun down - zz ward
stand by you - rachel platten
thunder - leona lewis
we were us - keith urban & miranda lambert
wonderland - taylor swift
you learn - alanis morissette
house party - sam hunt
dime store cowgirl - kacey musgraves
black magic - little mix
it takes two - katy perry
4th of july - fall out boy

happy listening!

Thursday, October 15, 2015

good vibrations.

it has been a year since i made the big and slightly out-of-my-character move here.
now, utah still is not my favorite place.
 and i have finally accepted that it just never will be.
it's not a good thing or a bad thing, but just a thing.
but don't worry, we are at peace.
mostly because i love the life i have been able to build here.
and while it has been thee roller-coaster of life roller-coaster years,
it has also opened my eyes to just how lucky i am to have the life i have,
and, the people i have in it.
near and, more especially, far.

i have never wanted for meaningful friendships in my life.
through grade school, junior high, high school, college...
i have always had good people around me.
and the rarity of this was never lost on me.
but i didn't truly appreciate it until this most recent move.
because while i love my faith & testimony with every part of my soul,
i just don't necessarily fit in with that stereotypical part of my culture.
{i never really have}
and unfortunately, i am now living in the epicenter of where a lot of those stereotypes stem from.
not all, but some.
and that is okay.
you do you. 
i do me.
that being said doesn't mean i don't miss the days after work where i can speed-dial a gal pal to overload on carbs & girl talk at dinner that night.
the kind where there are no limits to the conversation, 
you can say the things you are even afraid to admit to yourself,
you laugh so hard your insides feel stretched, 
and you know the person staring back at you from across the table just gets you without any explanation and is in your life to stay.
or i can go to a hockey game with a guy who i have known for ages and not have to worry about if he is going to "read into" this too much.
{perhaps almost equally as tragic is that real hockey doesn't exist in utah. oye!}

but when i got to work today and soul friend matt, who lives 2,000 miles away, asked if i wanted to do lunch, and i replied with a sassy comment about how that would certainly be nice,
little did i know that 4 hours later my favorite lunch would be delivered to my office.
reminding me that while yes, utah can be lonely at times, 
i am still the luckiest girl of all.
because how many people can say their friends unpromptedly think to send lunch on any given thursday?
and that while my tribe may not be "here" physically,
they are still the best part of me.
and distance is only a number.


Wednesday, October 14, 2015

hey chicago what do ya say?

...the cubs are gonna win today.