Thursday, August 30, 2012

like magic.


i'm just super impressed she convinced this little girl that the horse was really a unicorn.
xoxo.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

not a marilyn.


as you can tell from my previous post,
i am currently caught up with investing in my future as the first lady of the united states.
i mean, really, do we think i was put on this earth to do much else?
no, no...i was not.
i understand this and take my future role very seriously.
duh.
totes kidding loves.
about taking it seriously,
not about my dreams of being the first lady.
i have to get a custom oscar de la renta somehow, don't i?

what i am also particularly thrilled about is that, as per usual, taylor swift and i seem to be on the same page in terms of our futures.
i have long thought she was too classy for hollywood loving,
which really left her no other option than an upgrade to thee dynasty.
naturally, i would love for her to be the vice first lady with me, {is this the official name for it?}
because i can already imagine our white house slumber parties...
a whole lot of sparkle with very little sleep.
xoxo.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

god bless america.

 

  forget jackie...
i want to be ann.
xoxo.

Monday, August 27, 2012

one leads you to the perfect road.


i honestly believe this.
maybe not so much down to the details of why i couldn't get out of bed this morning when i had plenty of sleep behind me or why the people driving on the 405 are particularly terrible mergers...
but, ya know, the BIG things.
i think everything comes into place to create the specific details of the lives we were meant to live.
call it wishful thinking or extreme optimism...
but there you have it.

my theory was tested earlier this summer when i went on a little internet show called the mormon bachelor.
i wasn't prepared for the way things unraveled.
{if you need a refresher, go here.}
i tried not to let it get to me until i read a comment in which i was called fat, and when something like that is said about a person who has struggled with eating issues in the past, it's not necessarily...uplifting.
luckily i brushed the comment and 12 pounds off quicker than could normally be expected and went on my way.

but i was upset {clearly} and what i could never get was why everything happened the way it did.
until the weeks passed with texts and emails 
and hangouts with miss E. 
and i realized that through it all i was gaining one of the best girlfriends i could have ever wished for.
who came into my life at a time 
i needed someone like her the most.
in fact i remember within 5 minutes of meeting her the first day of filming we turned to each other and said, almost simultaneously:
i feel like you are my soul-sister.


 so loves, my theory still stands.
{at least for my timeline}
because through it all...
i lost 12 pounds and gained a bestie.
and i don't know about you, 
but i consider it a pretty sweet deal.
xoxo.

Friday, August 24, 2012

you couldn't be that man i adored.

heartbreak.
such a peculiar concept because of all the different ways a heart can be broken by the world, the people in it and life in general. it happens in a single moment or lingers for weeks, sometimes years until you have finally had all you can take and the situation snaps.
it happens over love, friendship, hopes for your future and feelings of your past.
it's hardly planned and not easily dismissed.
yet, on the flip side you grow immensely, if you open yourself up enough to feel everything hurty and tender until you change just a bit...for better or worse.
sometimes heartbreak comes with forgiveness and sometimes it simply comes with an opportunity to move on.

i have experienced a lot of heartbreak 
in my short time of loving life.
some over friendships that came to a close.
some over things i hoped for that were never meant to be.
and many over the opposite sex. {duh}
funny enough, only two have left me literally incapable of being a functional human being for days at a time.
one: when i wasn't accepted into the london study abroad program and
two: the great heartbreak of 2012, no more details needed.

at one point this year, 
i found myself swimming in the pool again.
a whole new kind of heartbreak.
it happened like most do.
same game, different players.
i can pin the foundation of my faults in the situation 
on insecurity.
i have no problem handing myself that red card.
not insecurity in myself, but rather in trying so hard to push something that both of us knew, deep down, was never going to work. while it was what it was it was fun and fancy and passionate and a bit naive.
i'm an idealist and a romantic and i'll be damned if i don't try.
even if by the end i am left holding onto nothing 
but me and my ideals.
i wanted it so bad i almost made myself believe it was right.

nevertheless, it ended.
as we both knew it always would. and it hurt.
we never had anything too serious, 
so the hurt was fleeting at the time.
little did i know the break would come a while later when, by the luck of fate and common friends, we ended up sitting across the dinner table from each other one night.
two people with a common past linked by meals and drinks and texts and laughter and time and kisses and disagreements and nights of shared confidentialites.
the break came in the instant of realizing the someone sitting across from me at the table was now a stranger in that moment and forever forward.
i will never know if he was trying to be someone he wasn't with me or just on that night at dinner, 
but the answer is only one or the other.
i fell for this kind, genuine, confident, thoughtful, wickedly funny gentleman.
instead i was sitting across from an 
unsure, cocky, nervous, boy.

in that moment, the faults of our time together made sense.
our problems seemed to be more fitting of the person sitting in front of me rather than the person i fell for.
in a way i was relieved, because i had been so confused at how mismatched the puzzle pieces ended up.
and in another way it was the final break.
because i realized the person i wanted so badly at one point no longer existed.
after that night i felt how i had so many times in the past.
even though the relationship was long gone, the feelings were finally sorted and fresh.
i mourned what was, what never was, what was supposed to be and the reality of what would have been.

and i still don't know which is worse?
mourning someone who was brave enough 
to let you see the real them?
or mourning someone who fooled you into 
believing they were who you wanted?
my only answer to heartbreak is that life is funny and fantastic and an often bumpy ride.
but it can be oh so fun if you let it.
and there is always room in your heart for another.

oh yes, and karma is a bitch.
xoxo. 

Thursday, August 23, 2012

merci.

oh how true these words ring.
so thank you loves, for being such a core part of my world.
some more specifically than others, but each of you {even some in the smallest ways} are a part of my journey, and i am so incredibly grateful for the roles you each play.

i have an unfathomable amount of support in my life.
i wish i didn't lose sight of it as often as i do.
i am so blessed.
i have never been alone, and i know that is not a statement everyone can profess as true.

thank you. thank you. thank you.
here's to the future...
with YOU in it.
xoxo.

Monday, August 20, 2012

nothing comes close...

...to the golden coast.
i never, ever tire of living in southern california.
sure there are days where i long for the tall buildings of new york city or the history of a place like paris,
but i could not ask for more in terms of this little coast i call home.

this past weekend i decided to play tourist and 
spend time taking advantage of living here with some of my favorite girls around.
friday night bff rach and moi hit up carsland for dinner and a diva night.


seriously can't believe we are going on FOURTEEN years of bestie-ness come september.

saturday morning work darling TMcW and moi packed up lexi with a full tank of gas, some bieber tunesies and diet coke and hit the road for la-la land.
we explored one of my favorite spots in town, 
the hollywood museum.
where i only furthered my motto of never having met a pair of shoes i couldn't have a great conversation with.
and we saw their new marilyn exhibit.

as you all well know, i am more of an audrey girl so we hit up the classiest sandwich in town for lunch.




then due to extreme heat conditions,
{not even me being a princess, it was hot, bible}
we decided to roam mulholland drive for a bit dreaming of our future homes in the comfort of an air conditioned car.
we also both agreed that no matter how many times we see it, this view never gets old...
sweet california dreams.
xoxo.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

like, ever.

as per usual,
my girl tay-tay and i are on the same page in life.
head over heels for this one.

xoxo.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

thee post-it always sticks twice.

i feel if you were to go into my life right now and take everything in my crazy brain out and make a television scene, it would produce the following...
{WARNING: although still a rated PG-13 scene, there is brief strong language.}
{don't watch if you're gonna be offended y'all}
no loves, this is not an engagement announcement.
so you can exhale.
because, naturally, my part in life would be that of carrie's.

here's thee brainy breakdown:
guess what?!? thee bro and moi are headed to NYC in the fall!! words cannot express how excited i am to go back.
i'm really feeling the sheer top & daisy duke combo these days. {ummm...}
i haven't done my hair in 5 days. bible.
2 of my dearest ladies got engaged to 2 lovely gents this week.
i just opened a new package of post-its today at work.
i love having friends who see the best in everything.
but i also love having the girlfriend that just says the oh so bad words for you.
texting is the new post it.
and i didn't deserve that post-it.
blegh. 

if you have seen the entire episode than you know carrie goes out after this, flips a psycho crazy rant on jack berger's friends, is busted by the cops for smoking a joint on the street, but then released once she shows them the loaded post-it.
well, i can assure you i did not do that.
but i did buy shoes.
same thing?
xoxo.

Monday, August 13, 2012

quack.


picnic dinner {a la my friends at the subway}
and feeding duckies in the park.
perfect monday night.
xoxo.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

like you don't know i'm coming unglued.

i don't now what it is about august but, without fail, every year i go into this i wish i were driving down a dirt road in a jeep being driven by a guy with looks somewhere between ryan gosling and chris pine in the middle of the south way of wanting to live life.
i know, my southern loves, the south is gross and hot and sticky in the summer months.
but it's my fantasy so just let a princess freakin be.

my current country girl obsession lies with jana kramer.
she is no carrie underwood,
but you grey's anatomy fans may recognize her as the girl from the amish episode that made all of us cry,
or friday night lights fans may notice her as a potential love interest for smash williams in the 4th season.
well, now she is puttin on her cowgirl boots and, in my opinion, doing a pretty good job at it.
or maybe it is simply my obsession with this song...

pretty sure every girl has felt this way at least once, twice, one hundred times in her life.
happy listening y'all.
xoxo.

Friday, August 10, 2012

the heart of the matter.

today i am in love with:
fitted blazers a la kate middleton.
the view from my nook at work...which includes a panel of windows overlooking all of orange county and a flat screen streaming 24/7 olympics coverage.
naked juice and string cheese. together.
the janitor who doesn't know my name, but instead refers to me as the nicest person in the building.
my family.
hot pink nail polish.
emily giffin's new book, where we belong.
the dark knight rises soundtrack.
michael phelps.
my giant cupcake eraser that sits on my desk at work and saves me from all the mistakes i make at being crafty on the daily.
handwritten letters from far away friends.
weekend living.
the ocean.
girlfriends who have an unshakable patience with me.
bathing suits and flip flops.
sephora lip gloss {not sticky!}.
you.
xoxo.

{photo via pinterest}

Thursday, August 9, 2012

let it go.

 
i have this terribly addictive habit of going through my daybook every so often,
{meaning like everyday}
and looking back at previous months to see what i was doing a month ago today, 5 months ago today, etc.
i do it because i'm a sucker for progress.
and to retain happy feelings of my past.
look back at all the lovely events
and happenings i get to call mine.
but every once in a while i come across a date that holds a moment or thousands of moments strung together...
and it hurts.
a date that holds a memory with someone that was never supposed to go.

letting go.
not a strength of mine.
and yet, i have led a life in which i am here and there and everywhere and inevitably, with that kind of a pace, sometimes people just drift out.
misconceptions, misunderstandings, time, miles, events...all are catalists to creating drifts in friendships, relationships, acquaintances...
yes, there are the exceptions.
relationships that withstand the test of time.
i suppose those are the ones you marry or call a best friend.
but what about those you don't?
it doesn't mean there was any less love or happiness between the two people, it just didn't work, for one of the reasons above, or possibly another.
how do you let go?
do you have to?

personally, i find that i am comfy making life as hard as possible for myself and therefore i have to let go in order to move on. {slight sarcasm noted}
the problem is, as previously stated,
i am just so bad at it guys!
my gf truthfully pinned it right on the head the other day, 
you are a glutten for punishment jess.
 and i am.

when something goes awry,
i go over it and over it in my head.
and despite the fact that we live in a world that constantly moves forward, all i can do sometimes is look back.
flip through that daybook at everything that once was until i'm sick.

but then, through some great miracle beyond anything i can comprehend, it passes.
and it doesn't hurt anymore.
and when you see a picture of you and that friend,
or come across a date that was special for you and that love,
it's a memory of a blessing from the past.
rather than a reminder of loss for the future.
and until that moment actually comes,
you just fight like hell for the hope you need to keep going.
xoxo.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

life is a highway.

my dear, sweet, patient brother has been trying to take me to thee new cars land at california adventure for what seems like a lifetime.
the first time we had plans i was off being kissed by a boy.
and the second time i had to bow out due to a stress induced hive breakout.
so last night when we both had nothing to do and no place to be, we figured it was the perfect time to cash in on that rain check of a brother/sister night out.

for those of you who haven't been to california adventure in a while, the park has undergone the best facelift i have witnessed since ashlee simpson and is a whole new place to be.
it finally has, dare i say, the disney feel.
the main street has been reconstructed to resemble old hollywood with actors all around handing out newspapers for free and the iconic theatre where snow white and the seven dwarfs premiered as the main focal point.

off to cars land we went, which i was expecting to be a little less exhilarating than normal because i have never seen the movies. disney sin, i know.
however, i was shocked at how much i loved it.
no detail has gone unnoticed.
from the exact replica of the town {or so i'm told},
to the flowers potted in tires,
to the drinks served in traffic cones
to the soundtrack laced with johnny cash and elvis tunesies...
my gracious disney has done it again.

we stopped off for dinner along route 66 in what was one of the best meals inside the disney parks i have ever had,
{and that's coming from a girl who has eaten at the illusioned club 33}
and we had a visit from lightning mcqueen himself while we were out.

then we headed over to luigi's tire shop to ride the tire ride.
which is basically like playing beach volleyball inside a tire while floating on top of a giant air hockey board.
amazing.

then we went to mater's cow pasture and rode the cow scrambler ride which was more fun than it looked like it ever could have been.
as you are scrambled along to original tunes sung by larry the cable guy.

we made a detour at the mad t-party, because i have a now very well known obsession with alice in wonderland,
before heading back to cars land to battle out the line for lightning mcqueen's radiator springs racers.
and guess what?
we only had to wait FORTY-FIVE MINUTES!
that is not me being sassy nor sarcastic.
fyi, the line is usually 120+ minutes.
and let me tell you, as disney's best reviewed ride EVER, this little gem did. not. dissappoint.
after being loaded into a huge, low riding, lightening mcqueen type car, racers are taken on a grand tour of radiator springs, much like a normal fantasy land ride.
you meet all the friends along the way, even getting a new paint job.
then comes the fun part...the race.
you meet up with another car full of guests and are stopped at a pair of double doors.
the doors open to show a vast outdoor speedway, mater counts you down, the flags roll and your fantasy land ride turns into a high speed rollar coaster type race against the car next to you.
your car talks to you the whole way through and lucky for us, we won our race!
i cannot recommend the mix of calm/chaos more.
when is screaming not healing for the mind & soul?!

and then it was back to life in the real world.
leaving a little magic for another day.
xoxo.

Monday, August 6, 2012

we can dance until we die.

this past weekend was so unbelievably lovely.
my mind, body & soul are all still in denial about being back in the real world.
in fact, i cheated and drank a diet coke today at lunch just to rebel against the end of my vacation.
but then again, i guess it is always a good sign when you don't want the vaca to end...it usually means you were doing something right.

our weekend started with dinner in huntington beach at thai gulf, a place where the noodles are far worth the cost of your life, seeing as you might get murdered in the parking lot.
or if you're truly fortunate, hook it up with someone from narcotics anonymous, which lucky us, was right next door.
eek-a-licious!
we then headed up the 405 to E's casa to help her pack.
unfortunately, the car rental place didn't log our reservation correctly so we were sans our planned Barbie convertible for the weekend and ended up giving my dear Lexi a last minute invite to the party.
E enjoyed the spacious back seat.
as megs and moi bumped the party in the front seat.
don't let megs' western roots fool ya, she is as california a driver as they come now and we made it to SB in record time.
meaning, early enough to get our cute little toesies tucked in bed before midnight.

we woke up saturday morning around 10am and immediately slapped on our swimsuits and sunnies and headed to state street for our adventure to begin.
we had to find a post office for E which was a complete adventure on it's own.
Siri took us to some back ally shipping parlor that i'm pretty sure ships mail order brides before actual letters.
we hit the shops and took in all the sights of FIESTA, which if you are from LA, is the equivelant of our Olvera Street.
confetti everywhere...i was a happy girl.
we took to the mexican bar with a girl swinging in the window for lunch,
and realized we forgot beach towels.
so we hit up the 99 cent store on state street and did a little emotional purchasing.
including a game where we had to buy each other secret presents.
it seems everyone else was emotionally purchasing as well because the line to check out was a good 20 minutes long.
but of course, all of our new found treasures were faaarrr too important to just ditch and run.
we then spent the next 2 hours laying on the beach, with the little kid next to us quizzicaly asking his mom why "those girls are sleeping?"
because we are OLD child!  that's why.



luckily E bought some anti-aging skin creme for 99 cents to combat those effects.

we took Lexi along the scenic route back to the house,
blasting KP's teenage dream along the way.
and it was time to get ready for a night out on the town.
ie: 99 cent store face masks and trashy mags.
the only 2 rules of dress for the night were:
1. a bow hair tie had to be somewhere on your body
2. your hair had to be a bump-it hair style.

so we packed up our hairbands, bump-its and heels and headed back to state street for a sephora run, food off a taco truck and egg-alicious confetti throwing.
  



then it was time to hit up the rides, which always make me a titch nervous considering 2 days ago they were in 100 pieces on the back of a pickup truck.
as you can see from this video, i have done other things in life i enjoyed more.

before we knew it, sunday had come and it was time to pack our pretty selves up and hit the road back south.
until next time sb...
xoxo.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

vacation, all i ever wanted.

all packed up and ready to go!
new & darling friend E invited me up to her family's casa in santa barbara during the city's annual FIESTA this weekend.
she even rented a fancy mustang convertible so our trip can be a little more crossroads meets the oc.
basically we are going to eat from fancy Mexican food trucks, lay out on the beach in floppy hats, shop til we drop, dance around the streets with confetti and drink diet coke until we pass out.
lest we not forget, thee KP hails from thee SB so i am sure we will have a moment of silence for my equivalent to mecca at some point this weekend.
 xoxo.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

happy august loves,
here is to 4 incredibly exciting weeks ahead!
xoxo.