i love the song "letter to me" by brad paisley.
partly because i just really love him, and partly because i really do loooovvee the song.
have you heard it?
please take a a minute...or four...to listen.
promise it doesn't disappoint.
so the other day i was in the shower {bible} thinking about my year to come.
i don't know about you, but i am always filled with a childlike hope for the fact that nothing is written in stone yet.
and the true possibility that anything can happen.
and with that, i started thinking about the previously mentioned song and got to a thinkin' what i would say to my 2010 self about to embark on all the crazy, fun, uplifting, heartbreaking, one of a kind experiences i have had this past year.
so here it is...
the letter i would give to myself were i to go back in time and meet me on january 1, 2011.
{no worries, typing did not commence until i was safely out of the shower}
have you heard it?
please take a a minute...or four...to listen.
promise it doesn't disappoint.
so the other day i was in the shower {bible} thinking about my year to come.
i don't know about you, but i am always filled with a childlike hope for the fact that nothing is written in stone yet.
and the true possibility that anything can happen.
and with that, i started thinking about the previously mentioned song and got to a thinkin' what i would say to my 2010 self about to embark on all the crazy, fun, uplifting, heartbreaking, one of a kind experiences i have had this past year.
so here it is...
the letter i would give to myself were i to go back in time and meet me on january 1, 2011.
{no worries, typing did not commence until i was safely out of the shower}
dear moi,
well girl, you just got done celebrating a truly hardcore new year's eve in which you were the only single person...anywhere. and sure it didn't feel THE BEST, but you survived, and trust me when i say that by this time next year it won't really matter, so stop focusing on it this morning and move on. in a few days you will be back to utah and i know that makes your heart sink and your stomach ache to think about, but guess the heck what?!?! you move back to CA in 8 months so cheer up buttercup, it's your last winter in the snow. yay!
my first snip of advice would be to go back and let the people in utah love you. you kind of have an issue with letting people into your life. you have been burned. but hasn't everyone? and unfortunately, i can't promise this year won't have it's moments in terms of that, but i CAN promise that you will have equal parts good/great times with people who love you oh so dearly. which means when jodi and mel ask you to move in, say yes. sure you won't agree with them on everything, and you will get into a few huge fights, but the good news is you all survive, and become better for it. and the nights in which you stay up talking in jodi's bed until all hours of the morning will create memories that far outweigh the disagreements. also, don't watch paranormal activity 1 & 2...you and jo won't sleep for daaaays. and always remember how much they love you, and how much you love them. they are good friends, and you will need them.
in february you will meet oprah. i know, i know, this sounds cray cray, but trust me, you meet her! you will literally have her stand right in front of you and she will ask you how you are doing. you don't say anything profound back to her, mainly because you are fighting back tears of shear joy, so just enjoy the moment. a big surprise happens after that...i won't tell you what it is because some things are better left unsaid. but i promise you that you will cry when it happens. so make sure to pack your tissues. also, anne hathaway will be there. and she is just as genuine in person and on commercial breaks as she seems on tv and she wears the prettiest shoes so get ready for that.
you will continue to love your job and you will miss everyone so dearly when you move to CA so enjoy your time with your co-workers. take jean's advice on everything and always listen to lori. she is wise. and she is someone who truly has no ulterior motive other than your best interest at heart. and spend as much time with dianne as possible. she becomes the person you want to be when you grow up. bible. {ps-that is a phrase the kardashian's use when swearing something is true.} speaking of kardashians. don't trust kris humphries. kim marries him and then gets a divorce 72 days later so it would be in the best interest of your time and heart to just not get involved in the wedding. however, do get involved in the royal wedding. make jodi watch all the specials on your dvr about the royal family with you. and make sure to plan on getting up at 2am to watch it all go down. thankfully, mom calls you at 2:45am to let you know victoria beckham is arriving and saves the day because your alarm doesn't go off. then stay on the phone with mom, you have tons of fun talking to her through the whole thing and it WILL be your most treasured mother/daughter moment of the year. and you will cry when kate walks down the aisle. because it is gorgeous and she is gorgeous and it will make you miss london until it hurts. but only reaffirm that moving to scotland for 4 months was the best decision you have made thus far in life.
make sure to take jenna to vegas for her 21st birthday. and then make sure to bring the camera. you will learn lots of fun things on this trip, but most importantly that men of the air force are hot. but you are a lady with standards that need to be kept. so good job, i am sure it will pay off someday. speaking of jenna, trust her and let her become your best nice friend ever. because even when you move, she doesn't let you go. and you have waited your whole life for a friend like that. she will teach you a lot of things, but mostly that you should just be so in love with your life and who you are. and by the end of the year, you will finally start believing it.
like i said earlier, you move to california at the end of august, so make sure to listen to that little voice that tells you one night it is the right decision to make. but also make sure to spend as much time with ali and bryce and the baby as you can before you go. she will remain to be one of the most consistent people you know and love. and it continues to be a miracle that never once have you two gotten in a fight. this year is no different, she is still your perfect best friend. speaking of perfect, things won't be perfect once you get to california, but you won't care one bit because you are home right where you belong.
over the course of the summer and into the fall you will have various experiences that make you so so sooo happy. just go with it. learn to trust and laugh and just let go of your normal control freakish self. and try not to take the days for granted because, unfortunately, they are numbered. and once your number is up it hurts like hell. unlike anything that has ever happened to you before. the good news is you don't eat for weeks and get super skinny. so stop worrying about loosing weight all summer, that extra 10 WILL come off, and then 5 more. just not in the way you imagined :) the bad news is...well, it hurts. and you cry a lot. and spend a lot of time on your knees asking God why something that made you so happy got taken away from you. and i hate to tell you gurl, but you spend thanksgiving in bed. and the day after that, and after that, and after that. but make sure that the monday after when you are sitting on the couch listening to mom's advice that you take it. get dressed and put your makeup on and things will just start falling into place. and then check your email because wendy will send you something you need to hear. and the hurt doesn't really go away, but you learn to live with it. just let the people around you help you. don't get mad at them, because they are only trying to make you smile. let karla and rachal wisk you away to vegas for your birthday because they truly are the best 2 things that happened to you in high school. and even though you won't feel like getting out of the house, go to S's swearing in ceremony. dinner after will make you laugh until your insides hurt and you cry, and it will be JUST what you need on that day. also, listen to katie. and jenna. BUT FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING THAT IS HOLY DON'T GO SEE TWILIGHT. it will only make everything worse.
speaking of katie's, make sure to enter the katy perry thanksgiving contest because GUESS WHAT?!?! you win. and it will be the best night of your year. in fact, it will become one of the best nights in your life thus far. get dressed up and do your hair and let katy and your family help you ring in 25 with a bang. you won't be depressed about turning 25, which is a relief. you actually kind of sort of will totally love it.
share your testimony and knowledge of the gospel with anyone you can. read your scriptures everyday and learn from the lessons they hold. and make sure to write to jameson every week because by the end of the year you will miss him more than you can possibly begin to imagine. you will ache for your friday date nights again where you went to dinner at denny's and let him pick the movies you would go and see, even though he would always pick super boyish movies.
thankfully, you will realize how incredibly blessed you are, so make sure and turn right around and share that with others. serve until you are tired. and then serve some more. and even though you will be scared, go to the bishop's storehouse and serve with mom. and go to all the activities at church. and don't be afraid to make new friends. and smile as often as you can. and most importantly, listen to mom when she sits next to your bed one night and tells you that you don't have to be perfect at life anymore. it's okay if your makeup isn't on when you go to the store and the curls on your head aren't always in place. and it's okay if you fail, and it's okay if you hurt and it's okay to try again. it will be thee single most important piece of advice you hear all year. you will literally feel this weird sort of burden lifted right off your shoulders, and suddenly, everything gets a bit easier from there on out. don't worry, you are still the sassy you that you know now...just a little less perfect. and thankfully so.
and always remember...keep your standards high, your heels higher and when all else fails, act like kate middleton.
xoxo,
me
well girl, you just got done celebrating a truly hardcore new year's eve in which you were the only single person...anywhere. and sure it didn't feel THE BEST, but you survived, and trust me when i say that by this time next year it won't really matter, so stop focusing on it this morning and move on. in a few days you will be back to utah and i know that makes your heart sink and your stomach ache to think about, but guess the heck what?!?! you move back to CA in 8 months so cheer up buttercup, it's your last winter in the snow. yay!
my first snip of advice would be to go back and let the people in utah love you. you kind of have an issue with letting people into your life. you have been burned. but hasn't everyone? and unfortunately, i can't promise this year won't have it's moments in terms of that, but i CAN promise that you will have equal parts good/great times with people who love you oh so dearly. which means when jodi and mel ask you to move in, say yes. sure you won't agree with them on everything, and you will get into a few huge fights, but the good news is you all survive, and become better for it. and the nights in which you stay up talking in jodi's bed until all hours of the morning will create memories that far outweigh the disagreements. also, don't watch paranormal activity 1 & 2...you and jo won't sleep for daaaays. and always remember how much they love you, and how much you love them. they are good friends, and you will need them.
in february you will meet oprah. i know, i know, this sounds cray cray, but trust me, you meet her! you will literally have her stand right in front of you and she will ask you how you are doing. you don't say anything profound back to her, mainly because you are fighting back tears of shear joy, so just enjoy the moment. a big surprise happens after that...i won't tell you what it is because some things are better left unsaid. but i promise you that you will cry when it happens. so make sure to pack your tissues. also, anne hathaway will be there. and she is just as genuine in person and on commercial breaks as she seems on tv and she wears the prettiest shoes so get ready for that.
you will continue to love your job and you will miss everyone so dearly when you move to CA so enjoy your time with your co-workers. take jean's advice on everything and always listen to lori. she is wise. and she is someone who truly has no ulterior motive other than your best interest at heart. and spend as much time with dianne as possible. she becomes the person you want to be when you grow up. bible. {ps-that is a phrase the kardashian's use when swearing something is true.} speaking of kardashians. don't trust kris humphries. kim marries him and then gets a divorce 72 days later so it would be in the best interest of your time and heart to just not get involved in the wedding. however, do get involved in the royal wedding. make jodi watch all the specials on your dvr about the royal family with you. and make sure to plan on getting up at 2am to watch it all go down. thankfully, mom calls you at 2:45am to let you know victoria beckham is arriving and saves the day because your alarm doesn't go off. then stay on the phone with mom, you have tons of fun talking to her through the whole thing and it WILL be your most treasured mother/daughter moment of the year. and you will cry when kate walks down the aisle. because it is gorgeous and she is gorgeous and it will make you miss london until it hurts. but only reaffirm that moving to scotland for 4 months was the best decision you have made thus far in life.
make sure to take jenna to vegas for her 21st birthday. and then make sure to bring the camera. you will learn lots of fun things on this trip, but most importantly that men of the air force are hot. but you are a lady with standards that need to be kept. so good job, i am sure it will pay off someday. speaking of jenna, trust her and let her become your best nice friend ever. because even when you move, she doesn't let you go. and you have waited your whole life for a friend like that. she will teach you a lot of things, but mostly that you should just be so in love with your life and who you are. and by the end of the year, you will finally start believing it.
like i said earlier, you move to california at the end of august, so make sure to listen to that little voice that tells you one night it is the right decision to make. but also make sure to spend as much time with ali and bryce and the baby as you can before you go. she will remain to be one of the most consistent people you know and love. and it continues to be a miracle that never once have you two gotten in a fight. this year is no different, she is still your perfect best friend. speaking of perfect, things won't be perfect once you get to california, but you won't care one bit because you are home right where you belong.
over the course of the summer and into the fall you will have various experiences that make you so so sooo happy. just go with it. learn to trust and laugh and just let go of your normal control freakish self. and try not to take the days for granted because, unfortunately, they are numbered. and once your number is up it hurts like hell. unlike anything that has ever happened to you before. the good news is you don't eat for weeks and get super skinny. so stop worrying about loosing weight all summer, that extra 10 WILL come off, and then 5 more. just not in the way you imagined :) the bad news is...well, it hurts. and you cry a lot. and spend a lot of time on your knees asking God why something that made you so happy got taken away from you. and i hate to tell you gurl, but you spend thanksgiving in bed. and the day after that, and after that, and after that. but make sure that the monday after when you are sitting on the couch listening to mom's advice that you take it. get dressed and put your makeup on and things will just start falling into place. and then check your email because wendy will send you something you need to hear. and the hurt doesn't really go away, but you learn to live with it. just let the people around you help you. don't get mad at them, because they are only trying to make you smile. let karla and rachal wisk you away to vegas for your birthday because they truly are the best 2 things that happened to you in high school. and even though you won't feel like getting out of the house, go to S's swearing in ceremony. dinner after will make you laugh until your insides hurt and you cry, and it will be JUST what you need on that day. also, listen to katie. and jenna. BUT FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING THAT IS HOLY DON'T GO SEE TWILIGHT. it will only make everything worse.
speaking of katie's, make sure to enter the katy perry thanksgiving contest because GUESS WHAT?!?! you win. and it will be the best night of your year. in fact, it will become one of the best nights in your life thus far. get dressed up and do your hair and let katy and your family help you ring in 25 with a bang. you won't be depressed about turning 25, which is a relief. you actually kind of sort of will totally love it.
share your testimony and knowledge of the gospel with anyone you can. read your scriptures everyday and learn from the lessons they hold. and make sure to write to jameson every week because by the end of the year you will miss him more than you can possibly begin to imagine. you will ache for your friday date nights again where you went to dinner at denny's and let him pick the movies you would go and see, even though he would always pick super boyish movies.
thankfully, you will realize how incredibly blessed you are, so make sure and turn right around and share that with others. serve until you are tired. and then serve some more. and even though you will be scared, go to the bishop's storehouse and serve with mom. and go to all the activities at church. and don't be afraid to make new friends. and smile as often as you can. and most importantly, listen to mom when she sits next to your bed one night and tells you that you don't have to be perfect at life anymore. it's okay if your makeup isn't on when you go to the store and the curls on your head aren't always in place. and it's okay if you fail, and it's okay if you hurt and it's okay to try again. it will be thee single most important piece of advice you hear all year. you will literally feel this weird sort of burden lifted right off your shoulders, and suddenly, everything gets a bit easier from there on out. don't worry, you are still the sassy you that you know now...just a little less perfect. and thankfully so.
and always remember...keep your standards high, your heels higher and when all else fails, act like kate middleton.
xoxo,
me
{photo courtesy of hellogiggles.com}
You are just so lovely. So, so lovely. I would by lying if I didn't tell you I cry reading your blog fairly often. I am so sad to hear this past year has hurt you. But I am also so happy to hear that you have also had joy, and you are pulling through. I often think that if I knew what was in store for me I would be too scared for the hard things and too excited for the great things to enjoy every other wonderful moment. One of the best decisions I've ever made is to choose to focus on the incredible beauty of everyday life. I've finally discovered that "everyday" is extraordinary rather than mundane. I love you and Merry Christmas time.
ReplyDeleteJessica, I love you. Seriously. This is such an amazing post! Good for you for looking back on things and seeing all the good that you've learned and the ways that you've grown. You've got so much wisdom to share with the world. Thank heavens for your blog! I love checking in and seeing what you've been up to. (Especially since I haven't seen you since Halloween!)
ReplyDeleteOh how I love you! You are such an amazing woman and never forget it! You are loved by so many and those who don't bother to take the time to love and know you are just missing out on one of the greatest people they could ever have in their lives!! <3 love you my unbiological sister! lol :)
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, I love this. I totally want to write one for myself.
ReplyDeleteI heart this and I heart you.
ReplyDelete