Sunday, August 29, 2010

hey hey hey

i'm back lovelies. wooh!
and all i want to do is sleeeeeepppp.

thee weekend was crazy/fun/fabulous:
breakfast with thee parents.
scrubbed my bathroom clean.
catching up with old and dear friends.
airport pickups.
baked 48 cupcakes.
taught a lesson.
coordinated and pulled off a mixer for 100 people.
emmy party with thee bff and hubby.
[soooo glad she is back in]
watched the emmys.
[mad men won best series...yay me!]
drank so much diet coke it is probably flowing through my veins.

now my lovely little head is ready to hit my fluffy pillow
and conk out.
but not before i get at least 15 minutes of mad men in :)

[photo courtesy of]

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

thank you heaven.

if there is one re-affirmation i have had these past few days,
it is that God answers prayers.
my dear, sweet and heaven sent parents SURPRISED me by showing up on my doorstep sunday afternoon.
even better...they are here to stay for the whhooollleee week.
i am just as hip-hop-happy as a girl could get.

today my mom called and asked me what i wanted to do once i got off work.
i simply said, with the biggest smile on my face...
i don't care what i do, as long as it is with you.

so naturally, i am spending every spare second of free time i have with them, meaning everything else in my life is currently in neglect mode...
sleep, friends, blogging, emails, phone calls, etc.

promise to be back to normal once these crazy kids head back to their california dreamin.
although i wish that day would never come.
until then i am off to play with my two favorite people in thee entire world.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

she's unforgettable

today is the BIG day lovelies!
ms. katy-hudson-perry-brand's new cd hits the stores,
and then hopefully your cd player,
and then most likely your heart.
it certainly has melted [thee critics].

i bought my copy on my lunch break today.
and have already listened 3 times all the way through.

sooo many reasons why i love this girl.
the fact that her cd literally smells like cotton candy would be the first.
we don't have time to get to the other 999,999 tonight.

just take my word for it and go grab yourself a sweet copy immediately.
before they all run out!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

sunday. not a fun day.

have you ever sat in a room full of people...and felt so completely alone you just want to cry?
oh but wait, i don't cry in public when i am sad.
so instead i just smile.
and hope people think everything is okay.

the good news is i KNOW i am not completely alone.
because i have wonderful and loving people in my life who reach out to me every single day.
i have a family who is beyond anything i could ever ask for.
and friends throughout this country and others that love and adore and always watch out for me.
[as i hope they feel i do for them]
and heaven only knows why i am so blessed.
the only problem is they all live so far away.
and a phone call or an email or a text only goes so far.

this weekend i...
did 10 loads of laundry, read the september issue of vogue cover to cover [yes that sure is 729 pages], finished eat, pray, love, watched most of the 1st season of mad men, planned a lesson for church, went grocery shopping, cleaned my room, re-organized my pantry, went to the movies, sent a card to a dear friend, watched the fantastic mr. fox and prayed A.LOT.

and although there are worse things i could have done,
i felt so alone last night that i finally broke down and cried.
i cried because i miss my family so much.
i cried because i feel i give and give and just once, i want to be given back what i know i deserve.
i cried because i miss my friends from home so much it hurts.
i cried because a few weeks ago someone said some really hurtful things to me and i can't let them go. so i feel like this terrible person that i know i am not.
i cried because i hate when i feel sorry for myself.
i cried because i think i expect too much from others, but i don't know how not to.
i cried because people around me are hurting too and i wish i could be there for them.
i cried because i knew someone as fortunate as myself shouldn't be crying.
basically...i just cried.

i want to go home.
maybe if i click my cole haan heels 3 times and close my eyes real tight my wish will come true.

Saturday, August 21, 2010


99% of the time i feel like i am running around like a crazy woman. and as someone constantly on the go, i am also constantly trying to improve my quality of life.
due to a little movie i saw last week,
[you know, that one i can't stop talking about]

i created a list of goals i want to work into my daily, weekly and monthly activities to not only experience new things, but find a little more balance in my crazy crazy world.

[friend emily and moi partaking in our no carb left behind tour of rome]
eat one meal out a week at a new restaurant.
[might be slightly hard, provo is small, but i will make do]
cook one meal a week out of one of the many cookbooks i have bought over the years of having thee best intentions of becoming a domestic woman.
eat healthy and clean 5 days a week.
stop counting calories.
let go of the guilt. enjoy.

[my trip to the preston, england temple]
attend church every week.
[i already do this, but it is part of the plan so it must go on the list]
study my scriptures for at least 10 minutes a day.
read 3 church related articles a week.
attend the temple once a week.
participate in earnest prayer 2x a day.
learn to be still. and listen.

[photo courtesy of]
perform one act every week that shows someone in my life how much i love them.
love myself, take care of myself, and spoil myself when necessary--guilt free.
exercise at least 4x a week.
learn to love my surroundings.
[despite the lack of tall buildings in provo...or anywhere near here]
open myself to love and be loved.

Friday, August 20, 2010

party of one. checking out...

i have been listening to this beyond amazing power of words cd my boss gave me.
and am now aware of the fact that most people, including myself, use words that are really too drastic for any life situation.
ex: life is not "depressing" rather just "not too good" at times.
so it is with careful thought and consideration that i say...
today was thee worst day ever.
no seriously...ever.

it was like i felt it from the second i woke up this morning,
i even contemplated using a vacation day and just staying in bed, under the covers, as not to face the world i knew had it coming for me.
but i forced myself out the door and on my way.
the first out of 500 things i did wrong today.

so let's see, in the past 13 hours i:
drank 48 ounces of diet coke. high number=stress.
solved problems, problems and more problems.
[would someone please solve mine? because i think it's my turn!]
did about 2 things on my list of 100 things to do at work today.
got made fun of.
ate 3 candy bars. yes... count em lovelies...three.
got so frustrated with a phone call i literally slammed the phone down and walked out of my office for a "fresh air" walk around the building.
[when did i start slamming things? you would think i am a 12 year old girl with no weapon but a bedroom door]
cried in the bathroom at work. twice.
[fyi: no i am not pmsing...been there, done that this month]
[too much information? oh well, don't read this blog]
got a text from a family member that broke my heart. i wish i were home sometimes.
[oh hell, i wish that ALL the time]
realized some people will just never get it.
spent an entire afternoon dealing with a situation that was beyond me.
had to have my boss help me with said situation.
[which kills me, i feel like such a failure when i can't handle things my own]
super looked forward to friday night plans. plans got canceled.
went to the movies by myself.
[this is actually not a bad thing. loved every minute of it]
had pretty much the worst take-out experience of my life.
[ordered a salad: they decided not to tell me they were out of dressing]
became a charity case.
choked on my salad to the point that i threw it all up.
[probably for the best anyway, calories just not worth it]
cried again.

and now all i can think is that i am done.
maybe tomorrow i can take on the world again.
but for today, dear world, no more. please. no more.
i will be back when things are brighter.
because i am the first person to know that "not too good" blogging is boring.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

farewell mobile friend

today i laid to rest my constant companion of the past two dear little blackberry.
yes, i have gone old school in the cell phone dept once more.

ms. berry and moi kinda had a love/hate relationship.
but in the end, i was sad to see her go.

but you see lovelies,
it was contract renewal time and due to the fact that i no longer work on a Cali salary,
[which i more lovingly refer to as my louboutin lovin' salary]
i decided fancy phoning was no longer a luxury i absolutely needed and i would rather save the money on a yearly basis and invest in something lasting.
like a pair of manolos ;)

my new red phone is particularly boring,
which is why you can bet i will be swarovski crystaling it up next time i am in town.
however, i am kinda looking forward to a simpler life.
and no longer sharing my bed with something that beeps all the freakin' time.
and the extra $50 a month.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

one word, eight letters

if you took my advice below and went to see eat, pray, know that julia roberts' character, liz, spends most of the movie looking for her word.
meaning the one word that best describes herself and everything she stands for.
by the end of the movie, she finds her word.
and of course, when she does, i sobbed buckets of tears.

now i can't give away hheeerrr word, as you will have to see the movie to find that out.
but i can give away mine:fabulous.

Sunday, August 15, 2010


go see it lovelies.
i cried through the whole thing.
and it changed my life.
i guarantee it will change yours too.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

i'm in lesbians with you

fact: i am the girliest person you will ever meet.
fact: as i was raised by two very boyish brothers, i am a sucker for boy movies.
you know...the big budget action film, the all boy cast comedy, the scare you into the bathroom horror films.
i love them all.

so when it came time for scott pilgrim to take on the world, there was no doubt i was in.

the scoop:
scott pilgrim is a 22 year old, good for nothing, girl magnet who lives in toronto, is a member of the band sex ba-bomb, dates high schooler knives chau and dreams about a multi-hair colored girl every night, who he assumes doesn't exist.
one fateful eve at a party [drinking involved, high school gf NOT invited] he meets ramona v. flowers, literally the girl of his dreams.
he breaks up with knives and goes for ramona.
and all is well until a battle of the bands performance, when a super-hero type emo man literally comes flying from the roof and lands on the stage next to a guitar playing scott.
the challenge: in order to continue dating ramona, scott must defeat her 7 evil exes to the death, video game style.
yes...i just said video game style.
let the fun begin.

why it is my pick for thee best movie of 2010 thus far:
scotty p. is one of a every sense of the phrase.
[warning: you have to go into it with the openest of open minds]
with a superb script that will have you laughing out loud w/in the first 30 seconds of the movie until the end,
strong cast, fresh story line and execution,
and thee perfect message for all that everyone makes mistakes, everyone hurts someone, and some people really are worth fighting for [quite literally]...
scott pilgrim is the funnest of fun rides that will give you a guaranteed geek out moment when you realize you are not only enjoying, but loving 2 hours of living inside a video game.

not quite convinced?
well, you should be, because even [thee critics] are geeking out with pilgirm.
including mr. scott from thee new york times, just read [here].

Thursday, August 12, 2010

pretty little mistake

i stand corrected lovelies.
i awoke this morning to a text from thee lil bro,
[make sure to check out his guest post below]
in which he informed me that he was not a "convert" to
pretty little liars.
because he, in fact, had started watching it before me.
he wanted to make sure i knew he was a fan from the very beginning.

just another point to prove...
it really is that good.
are you curious yet??
click [here] to check it out from the very beginning.
enjoy lovelies.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

guest blog: The Top 5, From a Different View

A while back the bergdorf brunette shared her top 5 albums of all time. Luckily she included one of the best albums...ever. The others were...acceptable. So I thought that this blog should take a break from the pink, Katy Perry, and everything else that is on here and get a different perspective for once. So the following post will be the top 5 albums of all time according to...well me. Just keep in mind that I have a very very very different taste in music than the bergdorf, even though I have been getting texts recently requesting music I even thought was to much for her.

Number 5
The Killer - Day and Age
Although many people think The Killers lost everything they had after Hot Fuss because Sam's Town was...different they got back on track with Sawdust and came back in full force with Day and Age. I honestly don't know how to describe this album. So I guess my description is going south fast but all I can say is this album is...incredible. You need to listen to it yourself.

Number 4
Fall Out Boy - From Under the Cork Tree
Now I know I'm going to get alot of backfire on this one. My mainstream of music is screamo, hardcore, scary stuff. But Fall Out Boy remains one of my top favorite bands...ever. And this was their best shot, and one of the best albums I have ever heard. Yes it has "Sugar, We're Going Down" and no you can never ever understand what Patrick Stump, the lead singer, is ever saying. But every song is golden on this album, and I'm pretty sure that it never left the CD player when I got it. Their next attempt, Infinity on High was a complete sell out and really only had four good songs. Their last attempt before they broke up, Folie à Deux got back to the roots more. But Cork Tree remains their best album.

Number 3
Thrice - Beggars
Now here is where the hard part begins. If I could split up every single one of Thrice's albums and have them all tie for number 1 I would. If you haven't heard of Thrice, then I really don't know what music you people listen to. They started out as pretty hardcore, and have evolved into, well, this. Listen for yourself. One of the most diverse bands I have ever listened to, they change their sound with every album. Their lyrics are some of the best I have ever heard. Screaming one second, and singing the next, you can tell that I love everything Thrice. If you don't believe me, ask the Mom. Every morning she tells me, "play that one song from Thrice that I like so much." On top of that, they put on one of the most amazingly incredibly awesome live show I have ever witnessed.

Number 2
Saosin - Translating the Name EP
Same with Thrice, I can't put more than one album from a band in the list. But I'm putting this out there right now saying that Saosin is my favorite band of all time. If this was actually a full album instead of an EP I could guarantee that it would be number one without a doubt. Not for the faint of heart this was Saosin back when it was lead by Anthony Green. Ya he kind of sounds like a girl, but the man can scream like no other. I should probably put a link to "Seven Years", which is Saosin's most famous song, but this is my favorite song by them, and my favorite song...ever. The guy can scream ya? Green then went on to leave to band and create his own, Circa Survive, which still uses his screams but in a more sutble way. Cove Reber replaced him as lead singer and lead Saosin to their self titled album, which is incredible, and "Searching for Solid Ground" their second attempt which wasnt as good, but still worth a listening. One of the big things about Saosin is the discussion of who is better? Green or Reber. I was talking with a friend the other day and we came to the conclusion that Green can scream, and scream well, but Reber has more of a voice. Well the discussions have stopped because Reber left the band. One of the saddest days of my life, I hope Saosin continues to put out incredible music.

Number 1
My Chemical Romance - The Black Parade
Anyone who knows all will probably tell you that I live by this album. I have no clue where My Chem got the idea, or how they even made something as amazing as this. From "Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge" you would think that they would continue down the same road. Emo lyrics with sick songs. In fact My Chem was the group that got me into the screamo/punk/emo scene. But the Black Parade is something completely different. People don't believe me when I tell them its as incredible as it is, but I have yet to meet someone who hasnt had the same view as me by the time we get to the last song. I'm beating around the bush in describing the album because their are no words at all. Its an opera. Its rock. Its incredible. fill in the blank. This was the album that the sister included on here, so maybe that will solidify what I'm trying to establish. Every single member of the family has the entire album on their ipods. Note, the ENTIRE album, not just one song. If I had to be stranded with one album for the rest of my life, there would be no doubt in my mind that this would be it. And I can honestly say I would never get tired of it.

Honorable Mention
Brand New - The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me
Ya so I'm kinda cheating by adding this last part here. If I had the patience to make a top 10 list this would be number six, but I don't, but I also didn't want to leave out this incredible piece of work. Like Thrice, Brand New changes with every album. The exact opposite of Thrice they started soft, very soft, and now they scream with no end. But unlike all the other screaming hardcore bands that I have trouble listening to, they still blend what they started with in music. Its incredible to listen to all of their songs, from start to finish, and see where they have ended up. This is better than any explanation that I can give. The opening track "Sowing Season" is not for you Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, and Britney Spears lovers out there. But its worth listening to if you're looking for something new. Brand New is the same as Thrice and Saosin, if I could include all of their albums I would. Again this isn't a band that everyone likes, in fact I don't think alot of people like them at all, but they did something right with this album because it was ranked 74th on the 100 best albums of the decade.

So again this is all my opinion. You can bash, smash, and scream all you want about how Taylor Swift should be up here, but it really won't do anything. Music differs from person to person. We all enjoy the diversity of it. Sometimes our music blends together well, other times its a completely mess. All I tried to do here was expand what people knew, and of course add something different to this girls world blog.

my pretty big little secret

go ahead and laugh at me all you want.
but i am here this night to say:
my name is jessica, i am 23 years old, and i am obsessed with pretty little liars.

it's okay if you are judging me right now.
but i gotta feeling if you were watching, you would be in on thee secret too.
twisty, creepy, funny, romanty, smarty, scary...
it is the perfect show to keep tv lovers held over and happy until fall seasons begin.

why don't you give it a try?
this pretty little club is open, and accepting new members.
[thee lil bro is even a convert, and THAT'S saying something]

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

two of a very classy kind.

i check everyday.
when i wake up in the morning.
[usually not feelin like p.diddy]
and before i go to bed.
coincidentally, so does my mother.
i know, i know...she taught me well.

so yesterday, when this picture was displayed on the website... first thought was to make sure thee mom had seen it.
[she is a mucho fan of desperate housewives, specifically ms. gaby]
[and hello!?!! has ms. longoria-parker ever looked more gorg?]
[perfect hair, flawless makeup, classic dress]
[i appreciate people like this in our world]

except, a busy day happened and it slipped moi's mind.

until i received a text from my dear mother last night asking...
did you see the beautiful picture of eva longoria in people star tracks today? she is in a red dress.
[i know, i know...thee mom is a PRO texter]

all i could do was smile.
because she knows me so well.

Monday, August 9, 2010

dear boy...

according to [thee bestie] and a very eye opening conversation of last week...
i am toooooo easy going when it comes to relationships.
and all too often i am left playing the best friend card,
instead of the ever preferred girlfriend card.

so i have some new rules, dear boy, that i feel you should know if we are going to play:

1. ask me out over the phone or in person. noooooo texting.
in return i promise to say yes.
yep, there you have it.
this doesn't even have to be scary.
i am on day 16 of my 365 days of yes, so if you ask soon, you have a guaranteed answer.

2. ask me out.
i refuse to "hang out" with you.
i am a girl. and i want freakin' romance.

3. if we are going to spend an evening together, i suggest we spend it together.
you know, just a thought?!?
driving separately, meeting up, inviting gaggles of good
because i don't want to be your friend, i want to be your date.
is that honest enough? i hope so.

4. plan something.
don't get in the car and ask me what i want to do.
what do i want to do?
spend an evening with you.
i said yes right?

5. don't get mad when i don't do exactly what you want and then tell me i have changed so much.
because it seems to have slipped your brain let me remind you that i am still me.
just no longer putting up with your crap.

6. to anyone in the "ex" category (boy, friend, boyfriend) i will not plan my activities around you to make you comfortable.
in fact i enjoy watching you be uncomfortable.
so just grow up and get over it.

7. accept the fact that i do everything 220% over the top.
i buy bouquets of balloons to congratulate people on things that don't matter.
bake/buy treats to say "happy tuesday".
and send you packages in the mail when you are gone.

8. i don't need fancy...
sure i wear heels expensive enough to pay your rent.
but SURPRISE, i own jeans and exactly one simple pair of keds.
help me use them!
let's go to the dollar theatre and mcdonalds.
heck, let's go anywhere.
as long as it is together. (refer to #3)

9. ...but i like fancy.
it's just me. it doesn't have to be you. but accept that it is me.
my roomie calls me thee modern day audrey hepburn.
(i think she is faaarrr too generous in her compliments)
but i do love wearing dresses, having curly hair and pretty makeup.
so don't let it turn you the other way.
b/c i really am easy going.

10. don't be scared.
my name is not alice cullen. and i don't bite.
i really am nice. kinda sassy. but nice.
i promise.

because, dear boy, here is the bottom line:
i throw parties to celebrate things like chocolate.
i have twelve best girl friends that make my world go round.
one best guy friend whom i could not live without.
and two brothers that are my everything.
katy perry is my fav songstress.
i sleep with my blackberry.
wear too much pink.
don't eat after 7:30pm.
want to get married in rome.
honeymoon in paris.
live in nyc.
and fall in love with you.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

why so sad panda bear?

every time thee mom or moi's self gets sad we turn to the other, smile and say: why so sad panda bear?
it's cute. it's comforting. it always makes us smile and laugh and forget for a few seconds the burdens on our hearts.
however, considering i now live 1000 miles away from my sweet mom, the panda bear pick me ups are few and far between these days.

i would say [thee bestie] and i have both had some life altering experiences in the past few months.
socially, romantically, workingly, churchingly...
you get the picture.
and with change comes thee really good.
and thee really bad.
so during our sporadic fits of feeling sorry for ourselves,
we have come up with a few panda bear like pick me ups that can switch any mood around in under 1 minute flat.
that's a promise.

sweatpants and ice cream.
watching the house bunny so many times we can quote it.
arrested development marathons.
sex and the city re-runs.
crying until we laugh.
creating a solid 3-year plan.
listening to katy perry.
reading trashy magazines.
diet coke runs to mcdonalds.
discussing books.
telling each other why we are so freakin' fabulous.

everyone has bad days.
it's just a part of this crazy life.
so if you are ever on the bad day train, take some advice from above and i promise you will be skipping out of the depression station in no time.
no sad panda bears necessary.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

livin' the teenage dream

dearest lovelies:
i have an announcement to make.
so get your calendars out and ready to set a very important date. september 24th to be exact.

what are you marking this day for you may ask?!?

national katy perry day!!!

if you are living in the provo/orem area during that time,
get ready for a fine, fresh, fierce party to celebrate my fav gal.
so start now by brushing up on your katy facts.
and prepare for the tastiest day of your lovely lives.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

jess + cacee = bff

when i was in high school all i wanted in life was to be cher.
not the sonny, wacked up, wigged out, crazy cher.
thee beverly hills blonde, clueless, alicia silverstone cher.

so when we were eating on the lawn outside of the san diego convention center friday afternoon and this man walked by...

[donald faison and cacee cobb]

you would think i would have had a minor/major freak out!
i mean, i was thiiisss close to one step of separation from my one time idol.
except, he just so happens to have this girlfriend who, in my eyes, and probably ONLY in my eyes, is much cooler than him.

side story:
i used to be a HUGE HUGE HUGE nick lachey and jessica simpson fan.
and then she went kinda nuts and broke poor nicky's heart.
[that's okay, i have forgiven her]
[us same name girls have to stick together]

anywhoo, while doing her blip of time in reality tv land she introduced the world to her personal assistant ms. cacee cobb.
cacee was the girl all us "normal" girls in the real world wished we could call a bff.
totally kind. totally funny. totally real.
i recently became kinda re-obsessed with her while watching the surprisingly wonderful price of beauty on vh1.
[jess simps tours the world to define beauty in other cultures]

[cacee cobb, jessica simpson, ken paves]

now back to the comic con lawn:
obviously at this sighting i put my subway BLT down on the lawn, grabbed my camera and bolted it toward mr. clueless and ms. cobb.
and when i got to them...who did i ask to take a picture with? cacee herself.
she was just how i had imagined:

totally kind. totally funny. totally real.

to be honest, i think she was probably just as jazzed as i was that someone actually recognized her!
she even introduced herself,
[haha, like i don't know who you are lady, i just chased you half a block in the middle of downtown sd]

and then asked my name.
i told her jessica. she laughed and said...
well that one will be easy for me to remember.

Monday, August 2, 2010

michael. michael sheen.

the great thing about comic con is the celebrity run ins that happen while the celebs are walking around "attempting" to blend in with the nerds.
ooohhh it happens lovelies, trust me.
no one can deny the nerdiness on comic con weekend.
i don't care if your name is angelina jolie.

well one such celeb run in was a classified EPIC for so many reasons...
men know him as lucian from the underworld series.

children know him as the white rabbit from alice in wonderland.

thee older generation may know him as tony blair from the queen.

and teenage girls know him very well as aro vulturi from the twilight series.

my lovelies to me and [thee lil bro] he is just michael.
michael sheen.
[ps-NICEST man on the planet. i kinda have a crush. don't judge]
[also take special note of thee lil bro's face...well, yours would look like that too if you had just run into your idol. one of thee best weekend moments by faaarrrrr]

Sunday, August 1, 2010

silk spectre vs. thee con

i brought thee halloween costume of 2009 with me to the con kind of as a joke to those who wanted me to waltz around wearing it.
thank to the goodness friday was too too packed to even think about transforming into a superhero.
except saturday morning brought us some free time while packing up thee celeb pad condo and [thee big bro] got thee bright idea to have me dress up just for a bit.
now, i am no scardy cat.
and i definitely don't back down from anything that even slightly resembles a dare.
i told him that if he and [thee big bro bff] bought me a doughnut, they had a deal.
[i was hungry OK?!?]

remember this lovelies...well, 20 minutes later...waahhhlllaaa...i was the spectre again.
[a much less glam version this time]
[sadly i didn't have my MAC beauty team to help me]

thee deal was i would walk from the condo to the convention center, take a picture in front of the comic con sign, and then walk back to the condo,
all the while spectreing it up for the good city of san diego.
[thee big bro and spectre moi]

[are we having fun yet? i sure am.......not?]

[mission accomplished]

let's just say i learned two lessons from this experience:
1. i am sure to be blessed by God for wearing the outfit.
[as some crazy man on the street told me]
2. when you dress like a slutty super hero, you get WHATEVER YOU WANT!
[where has this message been all my life?!?...kidding...kind of]

and for the records boys...
you still owe me a doughnut.